My Dearest Sir,
It has been what feels like eternity since we, like fools, did say goodbye to something that so clearly has shown it will not leave. It feels like I have died a death of the soul and there is nothing that exists that could bring me back to life like you. Never in my entire existence have I been so taken by emotion. I have been drunk and sober and hungover all in one moment. All in a moment of you. What reason have you, my love, what reason good enough to justify this brutal attack you have ordered upon my heart?
It has been but mere weeks yet I have suffered without you the magnitude of two lifetimes. My heart aches and my body weakens at the thought of you. The thought that my thoughts of yesterday shall not manifest themselves into actions of tomorrow. Still, I think of you in that very light in which I first met you. That light that, at the time, was sufficiently bright to temporarily blind me to the future pain you inevitably would afflict upon my very being. I saw no such pain and if I did, which I might have, I pushed it aside. I soaked myself in your beauty. I paid no mind to the consequence and what a great consequence it turned out to be. There would be no difference, though, had I paid any mind, for my heart is the master and my mind merely a pawn waiting to be moved.
My deepest apologies I send to you for I did not know it would turn out so. I did not know I was capable of expressing a love as strong as this. I did not know I was capable of feeing it. It amazes me still how one can feel this strongly about another and not have them express that they, too, possess a feeling equally strong. Is it not the strength of the magnet that pulls the metal towards it? Am I mistaken? Is the magnet merely pulling itself towards an unwanting metal? My heart has reason to believe you have found another. It suffocates me to write this yet I write still, with the hope that if I hold my breath for long enough, it would ultimately lead to my death and end of this painful misery. Have you found another? I sincerely hope she will treat you half as well as I intended. As it is true, we do not deserve a love as pure as did exist between the gods but you deserve to be loved enough. Enough to show you that love is enough. Enough to withstand the greatest of tribulation. My fear exists in eight legged creatures and loneliness and darkness but never have I feared a thing so weak as distance. I forget, though, that not all are like me and that maybe, just maybe, there are people to whom distance is a powerful thing. A thing so magnificent that it would be reason enough to discard the truest and most beautiful of all feelings. That which is love.
Still, I do not know what love is. Every time I find myself to be close to it, I find it to be a mirage. A dream. What if you were just a dream? I should have you know, that for a while, a dream is what you felt like for each time I connected with you I would fly as if flying were possible. I would soar above reality. I would gaze down on humanity. and laugh at their attempts for I would see myself in them. Only now it feels as if I have failed just like them.
I have nothing more to say to you, only that I miss you. I miss you so much. I am still unsure as to whether it is you I miss or the idea of you in my writing. I still write about you. My listeners have grown sick of you for you are all I write. You are all I breath. I am still waiting for life to show me another path. They say it takes time. Hopefully I can breath again. Somewhere in the future. Hopefully you can too.
© 2010 Megan Lucas