Notes From The TrainRemember when shoes didn't matter
or clothes were okay being dirty at the end of the day because they were evidence of a day well spent. Remember when jewelry was a piece of string with painted macaroni and you didn't care because you thought it looked marvelous on you. Remember when responsibility was too long a word to bother knowing. When holding hands was a big step and made your heart soar. Remember when the only pain you really knew was the gash in your knee from playing too rough with the boys on the street. Remember hopscotch. Remember marbles and tops and swimming at the public pool. Remember training bras and tea sets. Remember when being in trouble usually resulted in a spanking. When the only real mistakes you made in life were coloring outside the lines. Remember when today was all that mattered and all you could think about, so much so that you wanted to do it again tomorrow.
Remember these things
But most importantly remember who you were
for who you were
is not who you are now but who you want to ultimately be
... This is my journey.
My journal bleeds from wounds inflicted by my hand that was trying to free emotions inflicted upon my heart by your soul. Scars from pages written on and torn out and squashed and thrown against the wall. I went through it all. With you. I heard the way ‘I love you’ sounds when harmonized with lies. It drowns emotion and cuts off feeling and prolongs the healing when eventually your lies become something more evident than drinking and getting drunk on wine from three nights ago. I waited up. You took your time. I know what waiting feels like. It feels like living and knowing you’ll die but not knowing when. It feels like life. I didn’t need more life than I already had. Leave now. Or maybe I will. Maybe I’ll just leave us both. And maybe you wont have to wait.
The pages from my journal bleed still
I took a match and put them out of their misery
I threw this page out of a burning building
I hope it never reaches you
I hope it does
I hope it burns your soul
The one that hurt my heart
The heart that made my journal bleed.
© 2011 Megan Lucas